We'll Make Our Home In The American Land

July 4, 2015

Thank you to my ancestors who braved God knows what to come to America. I know on my dad's side, they started coming over in the late 1600's up until the 1800's. My mom's side was all here in the 1800's. Poland, Bohemia, Austria, Germany, all at different times in 19th century. My dad's side I believe is mostly from England, with my maternal grandmother's roots coming from the French area of Canada in the early 1800's I think. I'm currently researching that part of the family tree right now.

With all this being said, I am damn proud to be an American. My day consisted of being the "Queen" of the Pamplona 4th of July Parade. I rode in Mr. Tolson's convertible up and down the street with the kids and neighbors. It was pretty fun :) I dressed like a Disney princess. Then we had a low-key block party/cook out. It was really nice, socialized with the new neighbors a little, my friend's son from the Army was home so we got to talk to him. Played corn hole (and won!) Then Travis and I headed to the lake front for the fireworks. They were wonderful as always. And another one in the book.

One year ago, I had no idea I'd wake up to having to take my mother to the hospital. It was all down hill from there. She got sicker and sicker, and little did I know my dad was too. So once again, I'm remembering these things, these moments, these times from my life and I'm not sure how to feel about them. I know that I miss my dad so f-ing much that it pains my chest at times. I'll just have flashbacks of short conversations we've had; times when I wished I had said more, or less, to him.

Last summer was all about my mother and taking care of her. Not the best summer in terms of fun, but I am glad I got to sit with her and be with her, even if it was the hardest thing in my life I had ever done. Watching your mother in the height of her Alzheimers (before it took over completely) was an experience I can't explain. I remember putting her to bed and saying "Good night I love you, see you in the morning!" And she would respond "Ok honey, love you, see you in the morning?" Totally normal. And it CRUSHES me. Absolutely crushes me. That I had 3 seconds of her old self. Just for 3 seconds. And then the next day, trying to convince my poor dad she needed a nursing home. We had a horrible fight about that.  I know he was just scared. But it just had to happen. Thats a whole other story, not getting into it right now.

So this past year since the last celebration at the Lakefront has been packed with all sorts of drama. I hope that the next 365 days are calmer, or at least get calmer. Work is a shitstorm right now. I'm keeping fingers crossed this week.

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Can't I just be a stay at home mom? I would be so damn good at it.

"On the boats and on the planes...they're comin' to America..."

"What is this land America so many travel there
I'm going now while I'm still young my darling meet me there
Wish me luck my lovely I'll send for you when I can
And we'll make our home in the American land..."