With Sympathy...

Sending sympathy and prayers. Thinking of you in the loss of your loved one....

These are the cards that are coming in from friends and family. My sweet aunt sent a check, so that will go to the charity we picked.

*Sigh.*

I have this nagging, anxiety-filled anger inside. I am not experiencing relief, I am experiencing panic. I don't know why, I don't have anything to panic about!! I'm not worrying about my father's well-being anymore because he's safe up in Heaven. So what in the world am I feeling anxiety for??

Selling his house. The house we all grew up in. The house I've been in for just about 30 some years of my life, and for the past 10 months. It's brutal. One of the neighbor's who is still an original to the street spoke at the funeral and said something to the effect that we will always say so and so's house will always be "The McCarthy's" and the same with our house. It will always be "The Eastman's." It will. My parents made this a home. It was headquarters. It was the central location for everything in our lives, and our meeting place. The driveway and the "community" mailbox are within 10 feet of each other, so now it's someone else's "office." It was referred to as my dad's "office"--my mom used this "office" quite a bit too. Thats partially how they socialized with the neighbors.  And pretty soon, all these memories are going to be sealed away. They will be distant, there won't be anymore new ones made. Every time I pull into the driveway now, I look at this house and feel sad. I hope the people that buy it can make it into a home and love it the way my dad did.

And another thing, I didn't run today. I feel like shit for this. I had a horrible charlie horse on my left calf all night and when I woke up. I figured it probably wasn't smart to force myself to run on it and risk screwing it up even more. Tomorrow is a new day. I'll try again tomorrow. The dog's got walked and I went to the local neighborhood pool though. I tidied up the downstairs a little bit, put 4 baskets of clothes away. Thats better then nothing for me. Travis went back to work today, I go back tomorrow night. Just f-ing shoot me. I hate that place. I shouldn't have to feel like that, but I do. Such a long story, for another time.

My Daddy, circa 1948
10/30/30 - 6/14/15
RIP, Love You Always <3