As I sit here listening to "Amazing Grace" by the Catholic Central Choir, I'm reflecting on the greatness of love I have for my father. He truly was an amazing person. He was the best dad he knew how to do be, he loved me and expressed it just a little different then some dad's do; there wasn't a lot of "I love you's" thrown around. I would think that if I knew I was going to die soon, I'd pull my kids aside and tell them this. But thats not how he operated. The next song that perfectly describes the feelings right now is "Just The Way You Are" which I think is a take on the pop song about how beautiful a woman is. Well, to me the words" I love you just the way you are" from the Piano Guys version of this is perfect. I love him just the way he was. I wish as a human, as a daughter, as a person, I could have changed some of my interactions with him at times to make them more pleasant and more kind and compassionate. He drove me nuts at times, but that was because he was feeling uneasy and couldn't express it. He didn't have my mom to "make it all better" or help him feel confident and safe. I wish I had been more patient at those times. Life is so fleeting, so short. So not worth all of the negativity and the bullshit.
I need to make a point of living for the moment and loving more then criticizing. I need to make a point of being quiet and letting the other person speak, and let it soak in before I respond. I need to make a point of being a better person. I know I can do this, it just takes a little re-training.
And no, I haven't run in I don't know how long. *sigh* Another thing I can retrain my brain to do?
No comments:
Post a Comment