The Nerves and Anxiety

I saw a lady named Jill Hull on Thursday. She is an LCPC who does all sorts of psychology related therapy.  She met with me and we started talking about my background; all of the death and grief and job anxiety. She said I have PTSD from the death. I agree. I'm not going to sugar-coat it and pretend like that is only for soldiers and the abused. I have it, and I need it to be treated like that.

We worked on one way of handling the acute anxiety by a breathing technique.  First, I had to pick a time or an activity or place that I feel safe, secure, and competent. I picked when I run at the lake. So she had me picture myself running, with my eyes shut; paying attention to how I feel, what are my legs and arms doing?, what are the sites and sounds.  Then I pick a word that describes that activity. I picked "success." So she had me repeat that over and over. Than, I had to open my eyes and shut them again, picturing myself at work, repeating the same word. And also adding in how I feel when I'm running. I had to really focus on my breathing. So on a scale of 1-10, 10 working like a champ, and 1 not working at all, I'd say I was at a 3 or 4. So for the first time thats great. I've been trying off and on today with help of my PRN meds to breathe, and stop letting myself get worked up over something that is in God's hands. I talked to my Aunt Beah last night for over 2 hours and I told her about what was happening; she advised me that sometimes when she has a lot going on, she just prays and says she leaves it in God's hands. So I'm also going to try that approach. It truly is in God's hands. Its like my coworker said before the blizzard: "God picked you to care for his children, you! So you can do it!" I think that if I repeat these things to myself over and over and continue to have uneventful days at work for a little while until I build up more confidence, I could make this work.
So thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

Ruthie please watch down over me tonight and tomorrow and help me through my day. Thank you Mommy. I know I can count on you.
Love,
Sara