I'm lonely; I'm bored; and I'm just waiting for April to come so I have some things to keep me busy. Being lonely really sucks. I have never been very good at it! Everyone is at work right now. Or busy being mom's or dad's, or in school or whatever it is. You would think it would be awesome to be off a lot from work but it's not all that its cracked up to be. I'm doing it for health reasons--I'm trying to get my mental faculties in place, and I couldn't do that working the type of schedule my manager was giving me. For instance, the grief therapy group I'm going to attend for 3 months is every Wednesday night for 2 hours. There's no f-ing way she'd let me have that many Wednesday night's off for that; she'd give me the run around with finding someone to trade, etc. Also, I am starting classes in June. I would never be able to take a 5 or 8 week class with a full-time schedule. And the real-estate pre-licensing class? HA! Forget that, I'd be waiting until I'm 40. So I'm happy and thankful for the opportunity to do those things but I'm trying to make the most of the time I have between now and then which is about 3 1/2 weeks. Travis is working a double today; he works this weekend, then off for 4 days. We have things scheduled; vet appointments for the dogs, our own appointments; and I want to do some moving of the crap to the loft and household stuff. Living in box world is getting old.
I have options today, with this gorgeous weather. I could go for a run; I could go to the cemetery; I could do both. I could go to Target and drop off my rx and exchange the pants that are too small. I can do all of these things, which normally I think I would except for some reason I feel like crap today. Isolated. I'm not sure I want to go the cemetery today, I'll get caught in Friday rush hour traffic; maybe tomorrow or definitely next week. Plus the emotional taxing of being there---not sure if I want that right now. Maybe I'll just get off my fat ass and go for a run at the lake like I had been planning all week and stop stewing about it.
I re-watched "Forks Over Knives" today; it's such an awesome documentary. I'm fascinated by the food science/nutrition and all of the information about our SAD's. I really want to be "Plant Strong" and get healthier. I've plateaued with the weight, as in, just existing I'm not losing like I was last year. I have to actually work at it now, and that's proving to be really difficult when I'm bing eating. So I have to figure out why I'm binge eating. Um, I'm lonely? Bored? Anxious? So fix those things. Well I am...lol it's a big circle. Circle of hell really. However, I am not going to give up and let them get the best of me. I can get myself going and motivated.
OK Ruthie, time to run for you. As much as I'm fighting it and rolling my eyes and stomping my feet, I'm going to shut up and do it.
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