March 2019

Another day....of being unemployed. I went to what they called a "Job Fair" at HCGH last evening; what a joke. I didn't understand what the concept of this Fair was. There were a half dozen tables set up with the leaders of each unit sitting there, presumably miserable, looking at all these faces shoving copies of resumes at them. I managed to get my 3 minutes of time with one of the unit managers (I remembered her from working there before). I doubt that it did any good; she told me to go online and apply. So, basically, I spent 2 hours getting ready, 20 minutes driving there, trying to find the damn room it was in, just to spend those 3 minutes to be told to go apply online. Thanks universe. I had to question if I really want to work at this hospital. Finding out I most likely need a BSN to work there or must have one in 5 years...I didn't have that in the plan. I'm not 100% sure that I want to spend money that I don't have on that right now, regardless of their cute little tuition help. I know they're Hopkins, but those of us nurses who have worked over a decade in the game are being forced to get degrees to do the same job. I haven't come to terms with that yet. Que this attitude.

The weather is turning towards the warmer side, not as cold and windy as it has been this winter and I am so appreciative of this. Walking Tessie is much nicer and enjoyable when I'm not freezing my ass off! Today I walked up to the bank and where I am currently at the coffee house.

Jesus Calling

This is my daily read, thanks to Aunt Beah. I love LOVE this book. I couldn't survive everyday without it. Today is spot on as usual.

"Do not hesitate to receive Joy from Me, for I bestow it on you abundantly."

"In a world characterized by working and taking, the admonition to rest and receive seems too easy. There is a close connection between receiving and believing: As you trust Me more and more, you are able to receive Me and My blessings abundantly."

I have to check myself everyday to remember that God has my back. If I keep the faith and pray and understand that there is a plan for me, I can mentally survive this time I'm going through. Its always going to be something, and how I handle it and get through it is my call. With a helping hand from God.  "Sometimes the relationship I offer you seems too good to be true."  It does seem too good to be true.  I was standing at the sink doing dishes yesterday and I was thinking about how I actually do deserve to be happy and have a job that I like; I DO deserve to get the things in life that I want. My clarity and concentration had been worn down so badly lately (past 6 months) that I basically lost myself. I went into survival mode, which is never good. I became exhausted physically, which always carries over into my mental state. Packing, moving, spending time in a relationship and maintaining it, financial issues as always, a few family things here and there; stress from work...stress from being injured...I was headed for a disaster. The disaster was leaving my job to start a new one that I didn't do my research on very well. And that is now where I am.