It sucked!
I broke up with the better half. Well, we still live together. We have no choice. Thats life. Everyone says that its bad to do this, but I'm the one who has to live it, not them. So sorry not sorry, we're staying in the apartment at least until I get my inheritance.
With that being said, its just one more thing to add to the list of Shitty 2015. I'm pissed because someone stated I was a negative person in a situation that I feel I am not. So I have to improve that.
If you know me, you know that I'm just as negative as the next person, but nothing or less. that's called being human. I lost my parents, Aunt, a relationship, a house, and other issues. Sorry I'm not Susie Sunshine all the time at work. I'll do my best. Thats all I can do.
Still having flash backs; still crying each day; soldiering on and getting through is all I can do. I'm lonely and and bored a lot, but I'm too depressed to do something. Which sucks, I have bike riding to do, and so on. I will get to it. I'm not going to let the "negativity" drag me down lol.
So even though I have made it clear my feelings, its still shitty because I see the hurt, I see the confusion, I get it. But someone had to do it. I'll just leave it at that.
Sorry Daddy, you're idea that I'd marry him isn't coming to fruition. My Aunt will be sad too! I'm sorry.
This is when I would need my mom. She could at least help me through this when she was in her right mind and not sick. *sigh* I miss them both so damn much. So many memories, reminders, so many "I can't believe that happened!" So much of that. Grieving is hard work.
I feel like if I free myself from the "negativity" or the things that are weighing me down, maybe I'll feel better. I can find new friends, and I can find what I need and want. I can't help it, its my life and I want to be happy. If I can't have my parents, then fuck it I want to be happy.
Ok I'm just rambling now...
Lets get on with the holidays please. There's several stations on XM that play Xmas music already. It reminds me of my mom. I can't ever listen to it probably not until I have kids. Its like hell.
BAH HUMBUG!!!
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